This is Not an Excerpt from a Douglas Adams Book

Hadar's credit card was charged a mysterious 100NIS by Migdal Insurance. She called them and they told her that it's the insurance for the skydiving she bought me as a birthday present, and if she has any more questions, i have to call them, because i am the one who is actually insured. Here's the saga that followed.

Dialing Migdal - 03-9201010...

Automatic response: "Shalom and thank you for calling Migdal. For Claims dial 1. For Simon, Simon and Wiesel (??) dial 2. For Customer Relations dial 3."

Notice that Customer Relations is last. Dialing 3.

Automatic response: "Shalom and thank you for calling 'Migdal at your service', Customer Relations center of Migdal insurance company. Our service representatives will be happy to assist you shortly. Please make sure that you have the policy next to you."

Of course i didn't have the policy.

Automatic response: "For a factory dial 1. For a private customer dial 2. For general information dial 3."

Dialing 2.

Automatic response: "Please dial your identification number including the control digit ending with a *."

Dialing my identification number.

Automatic response: "Please dial you agent number ending with a *. The agent number can be found at a square at the top left corner of the policy."

Right ... Let's try something: Dialing 12345*.

Migdal representative: "Migdal, Shalom, Anat speaking."

Me: "Good morning, how are you. I've done a skydiving a few months ago and payed separately for the insurance only for one skydiving, that day. Now, a few months later i see that i was charged 100NIS, as if that insurance policy is going on."

Anat: "Who is your agent?"

Me: "I have no idea. I signed a paper at the skydiving club."

Anat: "OK, let me check ... It's an agency called Bolotin. Call them at 03-7615555. We are not responsible for what agents do (!!!)."

Dialing 03-7615555...

Automatic response: "Bezeq, Shalom. The number you have dialed has been changed. The new number is 03-9535400."

Dialing 03-9535400...

Automatic response: "Ganar (!!!) insurance agencies, Shalom. If you know the extension number, please dial it now. For insurance agents dial 1. For Accounting dial 2. For Management dial 3. For operator dial 0."

Dialing 1.

Automatic response: "For Yoram Dan dial 433. For Israel Shaked dial 448..."

Dialing 433...

Automatic response: "Shalom! Are you still there?"

Me: "Shalom?!!"

Phone line: Beep-beep-beep-beep... That was weird. Read the last few lines again, carefully.

Dialing 03-9535400 again...

Automatic response: "Ganar insurance agencies, Shalom. If you know the extension number, please dial it now. For insurance agents dial 1..."

Dialing 1.

Automatic response: "For Yoram Dan dial 433. For Israel Shaked dial 448. For Stupid Lazy Liar dial 489. For Dr. Shameless Thief dial 476. Etc."

Dialing 476...

Phone line: BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! (much louder than earlier).

OK, i got the message. Plan B.

Found the skydiving club phone number. Dialing 04-6391068...

Paradive representative: "Paradive, good morning, how can I help you?"

Me: "Good morning, how are you. In January my girlfriend bought me a surpirse skydiving as a gift and we payed separately for the insurance. Now, a few months later, i see that the insurance company charged me 100NIS, like that insurance policy is going on."

Paradive representative: "OK, so you should call them. We are not responsible for the insurance."

Me: "Well, i called them, they said that they are not responsible for it and told me to call the agent who's responsible..."

Paradive representative (politely but somewhat impatiently): "Great, so call that agent."

Me: "... Yeah, but i can't seem to get an answer at the phone number they gave me."

Paradive representative: "OK, so call the insurance company."

Me: "But i already called them, and they gave a phone number of an agent and i can't get anyone to answer that phone..."

Paradive representative: "Well, then i can't help you."

Me: "But i just wanted to ask if you can give me the name and the number of the agent you work with."

Paradive representative: "It's Migdal."

Me: "Well, that's the insurance company, but do you know who's the agent?"

Paradive representative: "There's an agency called Blutin Ben Dov, you can try calling them."

Me: "Great, and what's their number?"

Paradive representative: "03-7513125"

Me: "OK, thanks."

Dialing 03-7513125...

Blutin representative: "Insurance, Shalom."

Hmmm, very generic.

Me: "Good morning, is this Blutin Ben Dov insurance agency?"

Blutin representative: "Yeah."

Me: "Good morning, how are you. I've done a skydiving a few months ago and payed separately for an insurance for that one skydiving. Now, a few months later ..."

Blutin representative (very quickly): "I'll connect you to Merav, please hold."

(Muzak)

Merav (presumably): "Hello."

Me: "Hi, is this Merav?"

Merav: "Yes."

Me: "Good morning, how are you. I've done a skydiving a few months ago and payed separately for an insurance for that one skydiving. Now, a few months later i see that i am still charged as if that insurance policy is going on."

Merav: "Is it a health insurance or a parachute insurance?"

Me: "It was an insurance for that one skydiving."

Merav: "OK, is it a health insurance or a parachute insurance?"

Me: "It was an insurance for that one skydiving."

Merav: "OK, but is it a health insurance or a parachute insurance?"

It's too surrealistic.

Me: "It was an insurance for that one skydiving, you know, in the case that someone happened to me during that one skydiving."

Merav: "Oh, i see. When was it?"

Me: "In January."

Merav: "Well then it's a mistake. They charged you 45NIS, right?"

If she says "..., right?", then i can presume that this "mistake" happens quite a lot.

Me: "No, actually they charged over 100NIS."

Merav: "No, i think they charged you 45NIS."

Me: "Well, they charged me over 100NIS."

Is it a déjà-vu? Thank God, no:

Merav: "OK, give me your id number and i'll make sure Migdal cancels it and refund you. They are responsible for it. I'll call you back when it's cancelled."

The whole thing took twenty minutes! No-one's responsible for nothing! And of course she still didn't call me back (last update - 01-06-2005 13:30).