People Speaking - Customer

Someone called my cellphone from the 04 area code, which is Northern Israel. An elderly-sounding man spoke:

— "Hello! Are you Amir?"

— "Yes."

— "Hello! This is Moshe! Do you know Moshe?"

— "No, i don't think so..."

— "I am Moshe!"

— "I see ..."

— "I am Moshe! I am Moshe, G.'s father."

OK, i now G., whose name will remain private.

— "Oh, hello. It's good to talk to you."

— "How are you?"

— "I'm fine, thanks."

— "Can you help me?"

— "Ehh ... I hope that i can. How can i help you?"

— "The remotes ... they don't work. We need to change them. Can you change them?"

— "What??"

— "The remotes, they don't work."

— "The TV remote controls??"

— "Yes, remotes for TV. They don't work. They told us that we have to change them in the post office, but we have to pay 35 shekels. I want you to change them."

— "But ..."

— "... And also, we weren't at home for two months, when the war was going on, and we didn't watch TV, so we don't want to pay for that time."

— "Eh ... you are talking about cable or satellite TV, right?"

— "What? We need to change the remote controls, they don't work, can you change them?"

— "OK, let me understand - you have a problem with the remote controls for your satellite TV?"

— "What satellite? I don't have satellite, i have YES."

YES is the only satellite TV company in Israel. This conversation shows that they have a very strong brand - people know that they have YES, and some of them don't even realize that it has something to do with satellites and dishes and all that. YES also do business with the company in which i work. I guess that's the reason G. or his father Moshe made some connection between me and the problems with their satellite TV. Or maybe not ...

— "Sorry, Moshe, i think you are confused - you see, i work in a company that is related to the television business, but i can't help you with the problems that you have with YES. You need to talk to YES."

— "But my remotes ... they don't work ... I need to replace them. Can't you replace them?"

It nearly made me cry.

— "No, i don't have anything to do with it. You need to talk to the customer service of the company called YES."

— "But didn't you sell us YES?"

— "No."

— "Didn't you come to our house and make us sign the contract with YES?"

— "No. I didn't do that. I don't work for YES."

— "But you worked for YES once, didn't you?"

— "No, i never worked for YES. Sorry. You'll have to talk to them. I wish i could help you."

I really wish i could help him. Poor guy. But he doesn't give up easily.

— "You see, i need to replace the remotes for my TV, they don't work and they told us to go to the post office to replace them."

— "OK, so you probably should do that or maybe talk to YES one more time if there is some problem. I can't help you."

— "And you don't work for YES?"

— "No."

— "Really? Aren't you Yaniv's brother?"

What??

— "No, i am not Yaniv's brother."

— "And you don't work in YES?"

— "No."

— "Are you sure that you are not Yaniv's brother?"

— "Yes, i am definitely not Yaniv's brother."

— "And can you give me Yaniv's phone number?"

— "No. Sorry. I don't know Yaniv."

— "Oh, i see."

— "Sorry i couldn't help you. Say hello to G. from me."

— "OK. Thank you."

Hadar told me that it was very nice on my behalf to talk to him at all.

Hook

Sorry about the rare and the disappointing updates. I'm off the hook. No more internet connection at home at least for a few more weeks. A change will do me good.

I'm planning a huge pics upload some time soon, and it's not just the wedding.

In the meantime, enjoy some vegetarian spam:

crash-land lady beetle
mole-blindedly Konia-ladik
mis-space frame worker
quasi-living quasi-living
bang beggar monitory letter
gas-lampy quasi-living

Also, since i'm off the hook, i re-discovered books that are printed on paper. Recommendation: Try the short story "Pecheneg" by A. P. Checkhov. It's rather pointless yet very enjoyable.

Slower than a motivated cheetah

In July of 2005, one citizen of the fine city of Sderot spoke to Maariv after a Kassam rocket landed near his house. This is what he said: "Carrying out the disengagement will nullify the motivation to fire Kassam rockets."

His name is Amir Peretz and today he is the minister of defense. Israel is supposed to be a democracy, and therefore i am supposed to be his boss. I would like to fire him, but i can't. That's why i think that Israel is not really a democracy.

URGENT FUND TRANSFER.. YOUR ACTION REQUIRED

I received a message on MySpace (spelling mistakes kept, names abbreviated with '):

Hello,
this may sound a bit strange, but I was wondering if you are related to A' Aharoni from Natanya? If you are, I have been trying to find he and his wife as my husband passed from this life owing them money, and I am trying to settle the debt. It has been troubling me for several years now. They would have known me by S' P', my husbands name was D. A. was a musician and his wife was studying to be a teacher I believe I think the spelling of her name is R'. If you could be of any assistance, I would greatly appreciate it.
Shalom
S.

I wonder whether it is a true story of sadness and honesty or an Israeli version of Nigerian spam.

People Speaking - Documentary

— "Do you have a secure room in your house?"

— "No, i don't think so."

— "It's the room with the window that can be shut with a metal door."

— "No, i don't have it."

— "Because I heard that it is very dangerous to use it as a living or sleeping room."

— "OK, mama, i don't have such a room, so i probably won't use it like that."

— "Do you know why? I saw a documentary about it on the television. It is because these rooms are built with a kind of concrete that emits toxic gases and it suffocates you if you are there for more than a few hours. It is fine to sit there and do some homework for a couple of hours, but not any more ..."

— "But why are you telling all that? I don't have such a room, so it is completely irrelevant."

— "... and it is especially dangerous in Jerusalem, because the soil in Jerusalem emits other gases which mix with the ones from the concrete and are even more dangerous."

— "So what?"

— "What so what? It is very dangerous and I am telling you that, because you live in Jerusalem. There was also a high school there and they had to rebuild it ..."

— "But mama, i finished high school nine years ago and i don't have a secure room in my house."

— "OK. What else can you tell me? Do you still do music?"

— "Yes."

— "How do you do music?"

— "I go to a rehearsal room with my friends and play."

— "And what kind of songs?"

— "All kinds."

— "Oh, OK. And do you sing?"

— "No, not really, i can't sing at all."

— "Why do you say that? You sing very well, better than anyone in the world. You must sing."

— "If you say so, mama."

— "That's right, you sing better than anyone-anyone-anyone in the world."

Oh mama.

People Speaking - Fairy

— "Sorry, I couldn't call you back after one minute as I promised, because I went up to the office and that M. was sitting there talking on the phone for a really long time, and talking and talking and talking and yawning all the time as if someone was telling him a children's fairy tale. Stupid asshole."

¡Hoja!

This semester i finally started studying two very important languages. No, not Armenian and Irish - i'm talking about Spanish and Arabic.

Spanish is in huge demand. In fact, i'm still not officially signed up for the course. It is given in five different groups, each with its own days and hours, there's only one that fits me and technically it is full, but the teacher agreed to accept me. This group has sixty students and it is only one of five. I'll have to go through some more bureaucratic hoops to get an official grade too.

Our Spanish teacher gave us homework for yesterday. I didn't do it, of course. No-one was really sure whether to hand it in. At the end of the lesson one female student asked loudly: "Do we have to hand in the homework?", to which i immediately replied: "Shhhhhh!" Then someone told me quietly: "You should forgive her, she is an atudait."

If you are not Israeli, this requires an explanation. Atudai (f. -it, pl. -im) is someone who is allowed to complete an academic degree before he is drafted to IDF service. So it means that she a). is a geek and b). hasn't been in the army yet and hence she doesn't know what a "kit bag question" is. In IDF slang, a "kit bag question" is a question better not asked, because the reply can be positive. It originates at a very common story - the commander tells the unit to run and some stupid soldier asks - "With the kit bag or without the kit bag?" The reply is obvious. This story is very famous, but when i was at tironut (boot camp) someone actually asked this exact question.

Another Hebrew saying goes: "Suckers never die."

People Speaking - Spoon

— "In Ethiopia it is considered polite to feed your guest."

— "What, to actually put the spoon in his mouth??"

— "No, no. In Ethiopia they eat with their hands."

Plate

OK, i'm taking this risk and changing the template to some Blogger-beta pre-designed Web 2.0-AJAX-dynamagic thing. All the fun links and gif's on the sidebar around will be updated some time soon. Here we go.

One man come

What do i have to write about the pride parade in Jerusalem?

Nothing much.

I think that those parades are kinda pointless, especially in Israel, because in practice gay rights in Israel are in a pretty good shape compared to the rest of the world. And so is the general public tolerance. It's legal to have sex with anyone you want and same-sex civil unions are not defined in law, but they are defined well enough in court precedents, and that's what counts. On the Hebrew Wikipedia they pretty much rule. Those who think that they don't yet rule in Jerusalem are quite wrong.

But i don't mind. Let them march if they think that it's fun. I pity those who violently oppose it - they should find something better to do.

Plus, it was on the previous pride parade in Jerusalem that Hadar finally decided to go veg after i talked about it with her for years, so something good came out of it for me.

Tea Packs

Throughout the whole day i'm having an urge to drink a bottle of correction fluid that stands on my table.

I hid it in a drawer, but the thought just wouldn't go away.

A sip of Jack Daniels helped.

Made Me Cry - Matt

I am a basket case Internet junkie, but more often than not it takes a while until email fads reach me.

This one finally did.

I mean OK - i cry at greatness. And i love his dance (i should have been more prudent at filming myself jumping on beds in hotels.)

But the music! The music! Reminded me of the best moments of Go Home Productions. And Dancer in the Dark too.

Just made me cry.

---

Oh (edit): Stupid, stupid - i know what it really reminded me of. Cocteau Twins' "Lorelei". The song to which Hadar and me walked to the hupa. Videos will be uploaded Real Soon Now.

People Speaking - Spelling

— "Amir!"

— "What?"

— "How do you spell gibberish?"

— "Ehh ... Brdhklgvdnbrdrbnbnba! Urlelueuleuleula! Bagvnkagadvrbakglbdvdrkgbdruvbla!"

Miron's Space

I made a very simple page for Miron Tzabari's band at MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/mirontzabari http://www.myspace.com/tzabari

It's not so good. It should be in Hebrew, but MySpace doesn't accept Hebrew. It shouldn't have so much ugly advertising. It shouldn't use Flash. But for starters, it's a good way to spread the word.

Next in line - stage.co.il and last.fm. www.mirontzabari.com will be a bit more complicated but with God's help will appear one day. Any other suggestions are most welcome.

Coffee in Tel Aviv

אייס קפה עם קש מרפא זוועות (עמיר לב)

That's Hadar and me at Rothschild street in Tel Aviv. Our first date, not including a couple of gigs we seen beforehand, was in a coffee shop nearby.

Cool waves wash over me

Wedding pictures are coming - as soon as i receive them from the photographer. Stories will come as soon as i write them.

In the meantime life goes on and the breaking and wonderful news are that there's heavy rain in the mountains of Jerusalem. I love rain and i love Israeli winter. I just need to drive really carefully.

Funny Love

I thought that Pucca is Japanese and is mostly a character on notebooks, pens and purses for impressionable teen age girls. Apparently she is Korean - she really looks unusual compared to most Manga. And she has movies too, and they are actually quite good. Look here for some Flesh (sic) animations: Pucca Club (click on "Amusement").

It's not the first time that i notice that Koreans are better than Japanese at least at some things. It's like Avis - they try harder.

Lord of the Rings

Aharoni is still in Unicode and still alive.

Aharoni is also married and one day soon he will write something more here.

Sign

Time to get Biblical again. Jonah 1:

4 But the Lord sent out a great wind into the sea, and there was a mighty tempest in the sea, so that the ship was like to be broken.
5 Then the mariners were afraid, and cried every man unto his god, and cast forth the wares that were in the ship into the sea, to lighten it of them. But Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep.

I forgive everyone everything. I don't hold grudges and i don't worry about trouble. Either i can do something about it or i can go to sleep.

Please could you ...

... tell me why i had the urge to cut down a light post with an axe a few days ago?

I know the answer, do you?

You laugh - Courts Take quickly, Return slowly. It's late you say, We both stand up, An Arab doctor, a Jewish singer, Hug and go. From the direction of the mountain All is normal, Good October Is about to begin. (Amir Lev)

אתה צוחק - בתי המשפט לוקחים מהר, מחזירים לאט. מאוחר אתה אומר, שנינו קמים, רופא ערבי, זמר יהודי, מתחבקים והולכים. מכיוון ההר הכל רגיל, אוקטובר הטוב עומד להתחיל (עמיר לב)